May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
