3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
