We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
