Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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