i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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