it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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