If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
