Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
