Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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