I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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