go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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