I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
