and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
