I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My vagina is very pro this idea
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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