Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
