so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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