Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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