My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
