none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
