I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
