A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
