What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
