Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
