do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
