let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
