Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
