Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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