He had one of those small greek statue penises
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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