I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
