I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
