I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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