Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
