oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
