highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
