This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
