Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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