haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
