Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
