i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
