why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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