At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
