A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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