Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
