put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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