He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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