Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
