Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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