Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
