Your face is a jimmy john
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
