Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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