Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
