Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
