We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
