I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I deserve this hangover.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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